Thoughts

First of all, I had no desire to see this movie:

But I do like to spend time with my husband, and when he suggested we go Saturday night after he got back from the hunt, I seriously considered it. But I told him the critics hated it, and some fans were suggesting it was Sandra Bullock's worst movie ever. So Britt did a little checking online to see what he could find out about the movie. I can't tell you what site he went to, but he said that Sandra Bullock's character was supposed to have Asperger's Syndrome.

Hmmm.

I don't know if that actually made me want to see the movie even less. Maybe it did. I wasn't sure how I would feel about her portraying someone with Asperger's. I wasn't sure how that would affect my view of the movie. You see, I live very close to someone with Asperger's, and I love him dearly, but I know that I don't get him most of the time. And I know that I get him better than most people. I always worry about how other people see him. And even more than that, I worry about how he sees himself.

I did a little research just now, and I cannot find a site that identifies the fact that Sandra Bullock's character has Asperger's Syndrome. That assumption did taint my view of the movie, but it also made me understand why so few people "got" that movie. They just see Sandra's character as a crazy, freaky-smart stalker chick.

I went to this movie not because I wanted to see Sandra Bullock portray a woman with Asperger's. I went because I wanted to spend some time with my husband. I need you to know, there were parts of this movie where you are supposed to laugh, that I was in tears. It was all a little too real. So grateful for the quirky people who just loved her as she was, but so hurt by the people who recognized her vulnerability. And the realization at the end that she didn't have to be "normal" was beautiful, but still heart-wrenching. Because accepting herself as she was, while a lovely idea, still didn't change any of the challenges she would still have to deal with, day-in and day-out:

Parents who loved her, but who hadn't fully taught her to cope in the real world. People who would take advantage of her naive expectation that everyone tells the truth, just as she does. Her own inability to recognize that not everybody is interested in the meanings of obscure words and other random facts that are fascinating to her. And then the people who respect some of her qualities, but still expect her to make more of an effort to conform, to be normal.

Oh yes, this was a hard movie for me to watch. But not for the same reasons as everyone else, perhaps. Although, I would say, even without the Asperger's aspect, watching someone make a fool of themselves over and over is always painful for me. It's not really something I enjoy watching.

But I am glad I went. I needed to see that, to think about what I can do better to educate my own community about respecting people with Asperger's. I knew that already. This was just a reminder. I think I will finally do that post where I list some facts about people with Autism/Asperger's. I love that Garrett is so high-functioning, but just because some of his symptoms are hidden, they are still there, and I know I personally need to do a better job of respecting him as he is.

Not today, though. That is its own post.



This is what else I have been doing this weekend. Sad story for you. When I moved, a couple years ago, I had less than 3 weeks to get everything out of that house. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Luckily, I had some help. Unfortunately, I had two library books on my shelves at the time, and they got packed without my knowledge. Once I realized what had happened, I couldn't get to them, so I asked the librarian to continue to renew them for me until I could locate them. Well, it has now been over a year since we moved into this house, and I cannot find those books. There has been a new librarian at the library for several months now, and I have had multiple fines incurred. I even paid them a couple times, but that was a while ago. I can't even show my face in the library. I should just go in and pay for the books, but it is just one of those expenses I just cannot justify paying right now.

Lucky for me, my daughter Tyler sees these books on the shelf and thinks they look fascinating. She brings them home from the school library, and we start to read them together. But her attention span just isn't there for books of this nature, so she loses interest fast. Then I sneak away with the book and devour it. Oh how I have missed the library!

A couple weeks ago, it was two books by Gail Carson Levine, Fairest and another one that I forget the name of now. I read those pretty fast, late into the night, because I knew she would have to return them soon. I tried to read one with her, but the next night, she had other things to do besides sit still with me.
Part of Friday, most of Saturday and Sunday, and then late into the night I enjoyed Inkspell. I have seen the movie Inkheart, but now I know I need to read the book, because you know they are always changing things in the movies.

I love the way the author of this book just draws you in. Her writing literally holds you spellbound, and the characters really keep you thinking. I love the way she ties all these different characters who are connected to books in some way. Oh, I have been a lover of books, too. And this is a book I could love.

And I really did love this book until she left me hanging. Then I panicked. Oh no, it is a series and she hasn't even published the next one, I was thinking. It is sort of like that Pirates of the Caribbean movie where everything is so unresolved at the end, you are thinking, how could that be the ending? And then when the next Pirates movie came out, it didn't even resolve any of your questions from the previous movie. Kind of like, really? That's it?!

I have read all of the Fablehaven books published so far, and only the last one really leaves you feeling like that can't possibly be the end. At least it wraps up the main point of the story. At least it doesn't just end. How can it just end, when nothing is resolved (which is exactly how this one ends)? There are all new problems and issues, plus old threats that are still not conquered. Oh, I don't think I could bear to wait two more years for the sequel to be published.

Especially if it is anything like Brinsingr, the sequel to Eldest and Eragon. I really enjoyed Eragon, well-written, well-paced, interesting. Eldest was okay, but seemed to end unresolved. Brinsingr did not pick up where I expected it to, did not answer the issues brought up from Eldest, and just seemed to go on and on like it was trying to make too many points that may have been relevant to the author, but should have been skimmed off by a good editor. And then instead of completing the trilogy, it left it unfinished, but hardly had me begging for more.

Luckily, I found that Inkdeath is the sequel to Inkspell and it has already been published. When Tyler returns the book tomorrow, I will beg her to pick up Inkdeath for me. So more housekeeping and personal hygiene can go neglected.

It really is easier to pick up these series after they have all been published, don't you think?

Intervention

So, a few months ago, I was contacted by someone from up in the Provo area. They were doing a documentary on people with addictions to modern technology, particularly the internet, and people who use their phones for data streaming. I guess someone (we won't name names, but YOU know who you are) had referred me to them, and somehow they didn't think Blanding would be too far to drive to do a small piece on me and how unnaturally attached I was to my BlackBerry.

They sure discovered how far it really is when they tried to take the freeway to get here, and ended up on the road two extra hours, back-tracking on I-70. But I guess they were determined to do their jobs, because they stuck around for almost a week after showing up later than they had planned.

Those of you who live in Blanding may remember the small film crew that was trailing me for a few days. Yeah, that was a little weird. And for a while I even tried not to check my email, and facebook messages on my BlackBerry every five seconds whenever I was talking to them, but wow, it was harder to do than I thought. They probably thought it was rude that I had to leave a comment on my sister's blog while they were trying to ask me a question about whether I thought my addiction to technology had taken over my ability to function normally in the real world--"No way! Just let me finish my thought here. Now, what did you want?" And of course, they had to document how I would wake up in the middle of the night to check my messages, and how that is the first thing I would do when I woke up in the morning. I am sure that is going to make for some lovely footage. Those of you who have read this post know what I am talking about.

But even though having the film crew around was more than a little strange--and seriously stressful, that was not the worse part.

The worst part was when I went over to the Counseling Center to talk to Steve about Garrett's medication, and they took me back into one of their conference rooms instead, and the room was filled with "concerned" family and friends. Ugh!!! Seriously, you guys. I should have known. I used to be addicted to this show (See above picture), especially when I could Tivo it and watch every episode in succession. But this whole idea that I am addicted to the internet, especially blogs and facebook, and obsessed with my BlackBerry, it is just ludicrous! I know I never actually use the phone part to talk to someone--texting really works better for me--and come on, I have never liked using the phone. And as far as the idea that spending so much time on the internet is making me socially awkward in real life, seriously folks! I have always been socially awkward. You all know it is easier for me to express myself in writing.

But I guess the part where I had to concede there might be a problem was when they pointed out I was spending more time Googling recipes than actually doing any cooking, and my family was getting tired of eating cold cereal--you know it is bad when they tell you they don't want to eat cereal!-- and peanut butter sandwiches all the time.

While I think the whole "Intervention" thing was a bit over the top, I have to admit, my life has actually improved since I started my addiction rehab program. Luckily, San Juan Counseling has a pilot internet addiction program that I have been able to do as an outpatient, so we have been able to keep this whole process pretty low-key, as far as how many people have known about it. And as I have worked the program, I truly have been able to find my way back into the real world. I think the happiest one about that is Olivia, because now when we play pretend, I don't have to pretend to be the lady at work on her computer, I can actually interact with her.

It has certainly been hard. I have to admit, I have had a few relapses, and Britt has even threatened to get rid of the internet at our house altogether, but I am doing better. My BlackBerry is no longer blinking at me, feeding my compulsion to check whatever that new message is. That was and is still the hardest thing for me, but at least I can call from almost anywhere around here now with my new Alltel phone--I actually have service!

And since Britt has given me a lot more work to do while I am at the office, I don't really have time to be tempted to feed my addiction, like I was when I first started working here.

I just thought I would let you know, the episode of Intervention that features me will be airing next Spring. I will tell you when they give me an official date. They said they will be checking up on me again around that time also. So wish me luck! It has been so nice to learn how to interact in the real world again. It still going to take me some time, but I know now that I can. Thank you to all of you who cared about me enough to want to get me help. I promise I won't fail you.


Alright, I hope none of you seriously believed that story. As if a show like Intervention would ever come to Blanding for little old me? But truthfully, since I gave up my BlackBerry just last week, I realize how much that little phone/mobile internet device had taken over my life. I still want to keep checking my new Alltel phone just to see if it will do something more than tell me what time it is. It is driving me a little nuts that it doesn't do more, but really this is a good thing. We have downgraded to a simpler, less expensive phone plan.

We changed some things on our home phone calling plan also, to try to save money. We even considered eliminating it altogether, including the internet. I tell Britt I could have done it, but our boys do need the internet for their school work, and I obviously still love my internet, even without my BlackBerry and all its quick updates.

Trying to cut back on our expenses in other ways, we turned in our van lease and sold Britt's truck. Both had XM Radios in them, which we all LOVED listening to. We bought a nice little used Honda Civic and an old truck. They just have regular radio, and let me tell you KRTZ just doesn't cut it.

But again, I can live without.

The simple life really isn't so bad.

I promise, I have some real blog posts coming soon. I am amazingly busy, but that just means Britt and I will be making real money this month. Yay!