My heart hurts

When Garrett was little, and Cole a babe, my little family of just me and the boys, we lived in a trailer across the street from Boyd and Ramona Bradford and their big dog who could knock you over just by wagging his tail. My boys loved to play with Grandpa Boyd, who happened to be their cousins' Bradley and Carson's grandpa. And even if he wasn't their grandpa, we would have adopted him as our own. He was a fun guy, and Ramona was so generous. We had good times in their yard, playing with their rambunctious dog. And Garrett loved to play with Boyd's toys. We were lucky to have him in our lives.

But Ramona got sick. And then she got better. But then she got sick again. And it was so sad. And we were so worried about her when we realized the cancer was terminal.

Then Boyd disappeared.

I ignorantly did not realize what that meant.

Months later, I knew. The news was devastating, heart breaking, tragic.

And I was angry. I saw the pain this caused for his family, some of which were my family. I saw my nephews' Grandma Monie suffer. I was mad at Boyd, whom we had loved, whom we did love. I tried to explain to my boys, but they were too young to understand. My husband tried to explain to me, and I was too angry that he (my husband) thought he could understand. That scared me. I didn't want him to understand, to try to relate. That was wrong, what he (Boyd) did was wrong; it was selfish.

So, the news today brought me back to that. I still can't understand, these new circumstances. This man who delivered thousands of healthy babies, who cared for thousands of patients. I personally didn't like him all that much, but he was friends with my parents. He delivered most of my brothers and sisters. He committed a crime. He was charged with it. And then he committed this other crime, to himself, so much worse. Why???

Who do I get to be angry at now? Who do I blame? I am not happy about the way the Federal government handled this, and people are supposed to be considered innocent until proven otherwise. But the media has already convicted everyone named in this case, especially the Redds. It just makes me sick to read some of the comments some people are leaving on these news sites. Not to mention the way the news sites are portraying the story in the first place!

So, yes, I am angry with them.

But mostly I am terribly sad. And I pray for his family. And I pray for all who have been targeted by this raid. I do believe people should be held accountable for breaking the law, if they have, but I cannot help but see this whole thing as such a tremendous tragedy.

I know that some of you don't know what I am talking about, so I will refer you to a couple newspaper articles, but by all means, do not take these stories as pure fact. There is more to the story. Hopefully, some day we will know:

Deseret News article

Salt Lake Tribune article