Myths and Misconceptions II

Here is part 2 from Tamra:

"people who choose adoption are very young, have drug problems, are very poor, and have very unstable lifestyles"

i wish this WERE true but as a result of these instabilities, in my observation, such women generally lack the clarity and presence of mind to choose adoption. on the contrary, i've seen conscientious, selfless, responsible people who, for those qualities, would make the best parents (in fact by putting their child's needs above their own, that's just what they're being).
while women of all ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, and circumstances have chosen adoption, the average age is 22. a young girl's frontal lobe is not fully developed and she often won't have a very clear sense of the reality of tomorrow or the needs of another person outside of herself. so she's going mainly on instinct, which of course dictates that she does not separate from her offspring. even at 18 it was nothing short of divine intervention that got me to, and through the decision. that said, i have known girls, young as 12, wise beyond their years and they are my heroes!
one of my many resistances to the idea of adoption was that i thought i didn't fit the bill. i thought adoption was for "those girls", the ones who would clearly be terrible parents. but i knew i was a good person, i would be a good mom. i thought, if you CAN raise your child, you do. i now know, it's a matter of good, better, best.

"adopted kids are always screwed up, if you place for adoption, your baby will be too"

i think it's funny now that i actually worried about this. there are several factors playing into this misconception. one is that people don't make the distinction between foster, international, and birthparent or infant adoptions. which is not at all to say that children adopted through the state or internationally WILL be "screwed up" but it certainly comes with a different set of challenges. the study i've seen showed that children adopted within the first 6 months of life (barring any abuse or neglect) showed no negative repercussions as a result of having been adopted. when compared to their peers they did as well or better in areas of academics, behavior, identity, or feelings of belonging. then when compared to those raised by single, biological parents the gap widens.
i think another factor is, yet again, the influence of the past. in the "dark ages of adoption" there was no openness, no information, no communication from a birthparent, and there was alot of shame and secrecy. we've learned from these mistakes and we now see that those things contributed to feelings of abandonment and inferiority. in this day of open, real, working relationships between birth and adoptive families, a child knows they came from love to love. they were not unwanted. they have EXTRA family who cherish them. there are no gaps in their identity. this is something that makes them special. we don't whisper about adoption anymore. there is nothing to hide!
furthermore, you cannot imagine the screening and procedures a couple goes through to adopt these days. and infertility can be quite the refiners fire. i think these folx are the cream of the crop! and after their work and wait and worry, and knowing the sacrifice it came from, they don't take parenthood lightly and they don't take their children for granted.

"the birthmom might try to take back the baby"

this is the stuff of Lifetime-made for TV-movies.
in GA i had 2 weeks after placement to change my mind. this added to my hell. i know some states allow up to 6 months. in UT the moment relinquishment has been signed it is already binding. even where it's possible, it is rare that a mother will change her mind after placement. adoption is not something that a person chooses half hearted or on a whim. my thoughts, while feeling that crushing loss, were that i would NEVER want them (his parents) to feel it. knowing what i knew, that that family was his, that they were better, even than my best, that THAT was the life that he was SUPPOSED to have, how could i take it away from him.
and again, things are not what they once were. if i'd chosen adoption because of social, religious, or family pressure instead of my own conviction that it was right for us. if i never held him or said goodbye. if i had to wake up every morning wondering where he was, with who, does he get enough kisses, is he fed well, etc. under these circumstances i can see how a person would have no peace and i'm certain i would have lost my mind. but this is NOT adoption today. as a birthmom sees the family she helped create, sees her baby laugh, sees the love his parents have for him, her decision is confirmed and solidified.

"no parent can love a child like their biological mother"

the instant i first saw him....words fail. i recognized immediately that i had never felt love before that moment. i felt my heart grow inside of my chest. i would've given my right arm for him, i'd've stepped infront of a bus for him. there was NOTHING i wouldn't have done for him. the world stopped....for moments while i tried to understand how he could be real. i recognized him. that moment is preserved in my heart. i feel it now as i shed even more grateful tears.
i regret i wasn't there the first time Debbie saw her Justin (but my heart still melts at the thought of it). i have NO doubt...no doubt that HER heart grew! that SHE knew him! that HER gratitude has spilled out through her tears for 13 years. she IS giving her life for him! day by day.
while the the blood we share is real and significant, it is not as real and as significant as is the sealing covenant. and biology does not have to exist for genuine family love to. i know that they COULD not love him more if he had their genes. i believe he was theirs before he was mine.


(these are my own views and commentaries. i only represent myself in these statements. opinions may very, even among my adoption peers)

Myths and Misconceptions about Adoption by Tamra Hyde

This little post was first published on facebook by Tamra Hyde, the lovely young woman you saw on that wonderful You-Tube video. I asked her for permission to publish it on my blog. I hope you can read it. It seems to have formatted a little differently here:

so, the MOST important thing for anyone to know about adoption, is that chances are, you don't know anything. i was surprised to find, when i first set foot into the world of adoption, how inaccurate most of my notions of adoption were! and in my conversations with people from many varying levels of education and experience on the matter i have encountered some shocking ideas! i try to cut folx some slack knowing i was once so unenlightened. also, given the rapid and dramatic evolution adoption has undergone, even in MY lifetime, as well as the media's love for horror stories and worst case scenarios, it isn't any wonder that many have outdated or fearful thoughts on the matter.
to people in the adoption family, these things are sacred. to have something SO beautiful and so much a part of who we are and what we love misunderstood can feel like the sharpest dagger to the most tender part of the heart. (and some of us can get pretty feisty)
SO, this week i'm going to feature some of the most common and most harmful myths and misconceptions. Birth mamas, adoptive parents, and adoptees feel free to add some of your (least) favorites as well as add you commentary to the ones listed.


"Birthparents don't want their babies"

i saved the worst for first! i'm not kiddin, it hurt my chest to write that!
i have not met this birthmom.
i wanted Justin more than ANYTHING i'd EVER wanted! it took me MONTHS to get over myself! the only thing i wanted more than to have his hand always in mine was for him to have all that could be his!
adoption is rarely a birthmother's plan A. to come to and through this choice, we must break our own hearts, defy our very instinct! NEVER believe that it is anything other than the love of our children that could enable us to do this impossible thing!

"a woman chooses adoption in order to have the chance to finish growing up, pursue their education, etc."

while this IS a benefit of choosing adoption, it is NOT a reason to.
i'm blessed by the many experiences and opportunities i've had to live the young single adult life. college, roommates, dating. i can spend my time and money however i choose. all of these things are greatly hindered for a single mom. but i tell you, without hesitation, i would give it ALL back! he means so much more to me than ANY of it! I was not my reason. HE was. i was totally prepared to put my WHOLE WORLD on the alter to keep him with me. but i couldn't sacrifice his.

"a birth mother can move on"

this is true and false.
i have progressed. i've had healing. my priorities and focuses have evolved. where, in the beginning, i thought of little else, my world is now full of other interests and pursuits.
while this isn't my whole identity, it's still a big chunk. and that's ok. it's awesome in fact. i will think about Justin and his family everyday of my life. and it brings me joy, not pain.
for 9 months we shared our food, water, blood, and oxegyn! he is flesh of my own flesh! bone of my bone! i will NEVER be "over it". and i don't wanna be. i will never put them away in a box in the closet. this story is my FAVORITE story! about my favorite people! it will bless me all my days!

"if i choose adoption....i'll be broken"

this was one of mine. it's also true and false.
my choice broke my heart, to be sure. my arms ached for him. my chest hurt. it felt my air went with him. i had longed, i had missed, i'd felt loss, but never like this. to write of it now i can still feel the memory of it. i had lost a child. and i felt it. not just for a few days or weeks or months. i felt sorrow grief for the first few years. i have to say though, there was peace and sweetness to temper the bitter aching from the very start. but as time passed it began to be intermingled with more and more gratitude, peace, joy, until i didn't hurt anymore. i feel deeply when i tell my story but when i cry, don't feel sorry for me! my tears are the gratitude my words can't express! Justin stopped by on his way home and saved me. he was my missionary! my love for him was the only motivation sufficient to make me change. had God not blessed me with these most difficult trials, i'd still be locked up in anger and pain and darkness, my view so narrow. and i wouldn't know love. i'm not back to how i was before. i'm SO much better! i'm not broken. i'm mended!

make sure and read the other installments of Myths and Misconceptions!

I know her and she is awesome!

I just wanted to share this with you today, because I have a couple posts coming that were authored by her. She is just as awesome in real life. And she has been advocating for adoption in many ways for over 10 years now.

Of licenses and library cards

This was the little voice on the phone yesterday, while I was working at the office after the kids got out of school, "Mo-om, canRachelandIgotothelibraryrightnowandgetlibrarycards?" Yes, that is the way Tyler talks. You really have to concentrate if you want to understand what she is saying. My answer to her was wait an hour and I will go with you to the library.

"MOO-OOM,wecangotothelibrary. We're not babies!" she tells me. I try to explain to her that the library won't give her a library card without a parent, but she is on a mission. Finally, I relent. You can go to the library, I tell her, but just to look at books. You won't be able to get a library card. And you have to take Olivia, too. You can't just leave her home alone.

"OfcoursewewouldbringOlivia," I can practically see her eyes rolling through the phone. Okay, I tell her. Hang out at the library for a little while and I will meet you there when I get off work to get your library cards.

For the past several months, I have avoided the library like the plague. The guilt that would wash over me just when I drove past the building was nearly enough to keep me away forever. Whenever I had a little extra money in my account (almost never), I would think, I am going to go down to that library and pay for those missing books. But inevitably I did not make the time to stop there, and inevitably, the money disappeared too fast.

But yesterday, when those girls showed up at the office just a few minutes after that phone call--"Theywouldn'tgiveusalibrarycardtheysaidyouhavetobethere"--I knew this was the time to settle my debts with the San Juan County Library. It was time to get my reading license back.

So, I walked into that library with those rowdy little girls--I used to take them to Story Hour all the time, but not after I lost those books--girls who didn't quite comprehend the whole you need to be quiet and calm in a library thing. Rachel had been there on a field trip recently. Olivia informed me she comes all the time with Amanda to Story Hour. Tyler was just excited to have access to all these books besides all the books she likes to bring home from the school library.

First, I went up to the librarian and explained my situation. He didn't quite get the whole story, because the truth is, I didn't lose those books, not really; it was just crazy circumstances. But he did tell me that since I had paid lots of fines for them already, for a processing fee, he could remove the offending books from my account. I was expecting to pay over $30, and instead it was only $6. Six bucks! I have been suffering all this time for six bucks! That is just insane.

Then, I filled out the paperwork for the girls' library cards. While they were being processed, the girls wandered the library, searching for a treasure to bring home. Olivia found hers right away, but Tyler asked the librarian how many books she could get. The silly man did not give her a limit. I did. I said three was enough. The librarian explained to each of the girls the importance of taking care of the books, and being responsible. He then reminded me that I was accountable for these books as well as the ones I check out with my own library card, kind of hinting about the previous lost book debaucle. And I nodded profusely. Oh yes, I take the stewardship of these books very seriously. I will do my best to keep track of them. To be able to check out books again is such a blessing.

What a relief to have that taken care of. I honestly wish I hadn't waited so long.

That and my driver's license which has been expired since July. I could have sent the paperwork in, which I filled out as soon as I received it, but at the time, I just didn't have 20 bucks for the processing fee. I know that is silly now, but I really didn't. I just couldn't afford it. So I didn't do it. And then Britt reminded me it would be more expensive to do it at the DMV here, and he said they would make me take another test.

I honestly didn't think the part about the test was true, but I still put off doing anything more with that. It was always in the back of my mind, knowing I needed to do something, but I just didn't have the time. Then, I found out the DMV is only open here in Blanding on Monday and Tuesday. No way could I make it there on Monday. Monday's are just too busy here at work. And on Tuesday's, I am working and getting ready for cub scouts. They are just not good days.

But this Tuesday, I got ready for the day with a driver's license picture in mind. At some point in that day, I decided, I was going to go down there.

And then I let the day slip away. Britt told me how nice he thought I looked that day, and I told him it was because I was thinking of going to renew my license, but it was almost too late now. He told me to go ahead and leave work early. I decided I would wait in line, and if it took too long, I would just leave, and wait until next week. So, I got there, along with everyone else in the county. And we waited and waited.

But it really wasn't that bad. And it only cost me $25, just five more than the mail-in fee. And my picture really isn't very good, but it is done. Now I will have a legal license, when it comes in the mail soon. And I even made it to pick up Olivia and go to cub scouts in time.

Crazy how these nagging things we need to do can weigh us down for so long. Then, when we finally get them done, they really weren't so bad, after all. What else can I let go of? This feels really good.

Almost a grandma

This is my mother, sixteen years ago, holding what would have been her first grandchild. Enjoying this precious baby girl as much as she possibly could before it was time to let her go. Being a parent is tough. I am so not looking forward to my girls' teenage years. (I almost deleted that. Part of me is excited for it, and part of me really dreads it). Pray that my darling girls never put me through anything like what I did to my poor parents.

Here is a copy of the letter my mom wrote to the adoptive parents:

June 13, 1993

Dear Parents,

As the birth grandmother of your beautiful new daughter I would like to express my support for the process that is taking place. This has truly been one of the most difficult experiences our family has ever faced, but without a doubt, we have felt the hand of the Lord throughout the ordeal.

I would like you to know that our daughter was raised in a Christ-centered home. We hold regular Family Home Evenings, Family Council (every Fast Sunday), family prayer and scripture study, and we attend our church meetings as a family. We also do fun things together. One month ago, we all went to Southern California together and had a wonderful time! The joke is that your little daughter is only a few days old, and already she has been to Disneyland, Universal Studios, Sea World, the beach, and the Grand Canyon!

I guess the reason I'm telling you a little about us is so that you won't think that we are a dysfunctional family from which our daughter sought escape in an immoral lifestyle. The fact is that we have been loving and supportive of our child throughout this experience, even though it hurt us deeply to find her in these circumstances. We want you to know that your child's pre-natal experiences have been filled with love and stability.

Our daughter participated in some inappropriate behavior for which she (and we) are certainly paying some very heavy consequences, but we have all learned some important lessons from all of this.

Before I get into that, however, I want to tell you a little about our daughter so that you may understand your daughter's heritage a little better. Our daughter is a lovely, fair-haired petite child who never weighed over 100 lbs until the past few months. She is intelligent and articulate and enjoys a good argument. I wouldn't be surprised to see her become a lawyer someday! She is a published author, and her writings have won awards in regional competitions. She was also a Sterling Scholar runner-up in English during her senior year in High school. She is a beautiful, smart, talented young lady who is learning to love and respect herself better.

We were truly devastated as a family when we learned of our daughter's condition, because it was so opposed to everything we had taught her. We recognize now that it was not an affront to our teaching but merely her exercise of free agency. We also recognize that Heavenly Father loved her enough to allow her to experience the consequences of that choice. Parents, please know what I know--that even though in the strictest terms, this beautiful baby was not conceived in love, in a very real way she was conceived out of Heavenly Father's love for you! {and for me, you know ;) } I firmly believe that He knew you needed this little girl, and He chose our daughter as a means of bringing her to you. As difficult as it has been to endure this ordeal with our daughter, it has also brought us closer to the Lord and to her. We pray sincerely that your eternal life together with your loving family will be blessed by the knowledge that our prayers will always be with you for success and joy in the eternities. May we meet there and embrace one day.

With Love,

"Birth Grandma"

P.S. Excuse the workmanship on the little dress. I was rushed--and buttonholes are not my forte! It was made with love, anyway!

Sorry, Mom. Love you.

Letting Go

For my National Adoption Month post, today I have a poem from my "Cosette" scrapbook. It is a good one because it applies to birthmothers "letting go" and also adoptive couples who have to "let go" of some things to be able to open themselves up to the possibilities of adoption.

Of course, it is just a good poem for anyone, but you can see how it applies:

LETTING GO

Letting go does not mean to stop caring;

it means I can't do it for someone else.

Letting go is not to cut myself off;

it's the realization I can't control another.

Letting go is not to enable;

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

Letting go is to admit powerlessness;

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

Letting go is not to try to change or blame another;

it's to make the most of myself.

Letting go is not to care for,

but to care about.

Letting go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

It's not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

Letting go is not to be in the middle arranging the outcome;

but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

Letting go is not to be protective;

it's to permit another to face reality.

Letting go is not to deny,

but to accept.

Letting go is not to nag, scold or argue;

but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

Letting go is not to adjust everything to my own desires;

but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

Letting go is not to criticize and regulate anybody;

but to try to become what I dream I can be.

Letting go is not to regret the past;

but to grow and live for the future.

Letting go is to fear less and live more.

A little background into my story

Obviously, my support and love for adoption is not centered entirely in my own experience, but it did provide the foundation for me. I know very few people have had their testimony of Heavenly Father's plan for each of His children built in the way that mine was. But I also know that each of us do have similar threads in our experiences that tie us together, those little things that connect us, when we can relate to something someone else says or does. I hope my little story can touch others in this way. I hope I can make it meaningful for you, as it has been for me.

So, I apologize for focusing so much on my own little journey. In many ways, it is just easier for me to tell parts of my adoption experience, as I attempt to post every day this month for the sake of National Adoption Month. For today, I have pulled out a card I received from the woman who would later become my mother-in-law, Carol Barton.

A little background first. When I realized I was pregnant, I moved to Logan. On my own. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, my family included. They didn't know until I told them one day when I was home for a short visit. I was nearly five months along at the time, but I was tiny, and the pregnancy really wasn't showing. We sort of decided, as a family, to keep the pregnancy a secret. I still had brothers and sisters in middle school and high school, and they really didn't need the drama in their lives.

But while I was in Logan, some of my strongest supports had Blanding ties. Obviously my brother Worthy and my future sister-in-law, Kim. But I also spent a lot of time with Kim's roommates, one of which was Tami Harris, also from Blanding. During that time, our friend Tami was dating a guy from Monticello named Britt Barton. He had been home from a mission a few months, and was dating Tami from a distance, visiting from Salt Lake, and then all the way from Mesa, Arizona, while he was working for the Anasazi Wilderness Youth Program. I only saw him a few times--he was very into Tami. I had heard of him when I was in high school; I remember I had a friend who had a crush on him, but until then, I had never met him.

Anyway, all of these people, even though they had ties to our little community, knew that my family and I didn't want folks in Blanding to know about my situation. As far as I know, they were all very discreet about the whole situation.

There was another family in Logan that had lived in Blanding a few years before, the Thielens, and they were also a huge support to me. At the time, Dan and Kathy had two young boys, and I actually helped babysit their boys while I was up there. The funny thing was, these two set me up on a date with a guy who happened to be from Blanding also, Jared Brown, for a double date with his brother Ammon, who Dan served in the National Guard with. I know, it is kind of convoluted. I was seven months pregnant at the time, and I just didn't know how to tell my friends that I really wasn't fit to be going out on a date. And I did go on that date--yes, it was weird. Jared later told me he knew something was up, but he didn't have the heart to say anything. And pretty soon, Dan and Kathy were in on the secret. They were even willing to adopt her, but I already knew that she belonged with the family I had chosen.

Every attempt was made on our part to be very discreet about the pregnancy and adoption. For all people knew, I was just living in Logan, working until I could save enough to go back to college there. Well, somehow, someone started a rumor about me being pregnant. A rumor that was in fact true, but as far as I can tell, it was unfounded by whoever started it. I hope that explains the first part of this letter:

Nan,

You know me " Miss Nosy." First, I want you to know that Tami is not where I heard your news. My neice, Kesha, was the one I heard it from and all she said was that you were pregnant and that you were going to give the baby up for adoption. {Oh, how we birth moms hate it when people say that--gave the baby up; that's not how I think of it at all!} That's all she knew. I heard no rumors or anything real negative. I called Tami only because I wanted to know how I could help.

Nan, dear, none of this changes how I feel about you. I love ya and I think you're a terrific gal. I pass no judgments. I wish I could be of more help--and I'd love to do anything I could--but you need to ask. Come visit me when you can. Come stay if you need. I promise I'll drop what I am doing and sit and visit. Nan, we share some experiences and understand more than you know. I've also learned that we are often the most unforgiving to ourselves. Don't hold on to negative feelings. Let go. Love yourself. You really are worth it.

Take care and remember that someone in Monticello loves you. See ya soon.

Love, Carol Lynn Barton

The front of the card reads: "People like you are as dear as can be. . ." Inside: ". . .and ever so special to people like me.

Okay, rather than appreciating the friendship offered here, at first I was really mad. And I was sure that whether or not she heard it from Kesha, the rumor probably originated from Tami. And for my family's sake, it was so important we keep the whole thing secret, and someone had obviously blown it. But whether or not she did, I got over it pretty quick. I always do.

And you know, even though we were still maintaining the secret when Kim and Worthy married in July--my mom had to alter my bridesmaid's dress a little, so my post-pregnancy pouch wouldn't be too obvious--there did eventually come a time when I felt more free to share my story. And now, I share it very freely, obviously. People are not always ready to hear it, but usually I have been able to find a way to share my testimony of adoption in an appropriate setting.

It was a month or so after the wedding that I went and visited my good friend, Carol Lynn. She was in the process of defrosting her freezer, but she dropped what she was doing to spend some time visiting with me. I am still grateful today for all the people who reached out in love towards me, at a time when they could have been judgmental and disapproving (well, I won't mention the first ultrasound tech I went to, or the crazy roommates I had when I first moved up to Logan--the one who stole my mail and tried to watch me in the shower). There were so many good people who helped me to make the best of what could have been a very painful time.

Charity really is a beautiful thing.

Oh, hey, don't forget to leave a comment if you want to be able to view my blog when I go private. It turns out the incident with Garrett was not as scary as it could have been, but I am still going to make my blog private. It just seems like the right thing to do now.

New think vs. Old think

I stole this from the Families Supporting Adoption blog. I hope they don't mind me sharing it.

*The OLD think is in BLUE.

If I find myself unexpectedly pregnant, abortion and single parenting are my only choices.

There is a third choice, one that has proven to be a success for birth mothers and children–the adoption option.

I would never consider adoption–it would be too hard.

Which ever choice you make will present many hardships–adoption may be no more difficult than abortion or single parenting.

My friends and family will think I'm terrible giving up my own flesh and blood.

Adoption is not "giving up," it is giving to–a decision you have carefully made out of love for the future of your child and yourself.

I'll never know what happened to my baby. I simply couldn't live that way.

The old way of doing adoptions (secrecy and no control) is out. The new way–open adoption–allows you to make the decisions regarding the future of your child and yourself.

Why adoption? Isn't it just for people who can't have their own kids?

Not necessarily true. Yes, some people cannot biologically conceive, but adoption provides a family for a child, not a child for a family.

Kids who are adopted have lots of problems.

Not founded in fact. Refer to the Search Institute Study. Children who are adopted have, among other characteristics, high self-esteem and positive identity concerns at rates as high or higher than their peers.

What about me? I feel it's my responsibility to raise my child.

Your responsibility is to make the very best and informed decision that you can for your child. Studies show that birth mothers who make an adoption plan typically move forward in their life, finish their education, have a career, and eventually marry.

My first letter to the adoptive family

It is going to be a month of letters here, for you to read. In my scrapbook about Cosette, there is a letter I wrote to her family, expressing my love and my faith in them. It is a little weird for me to read things I wrote back then, but like Kim commented on one of my previous posts, I sound pretty mature for being just 19 years old. I remember now how hard it was to be that "mature" during that time. I spent a lot of time hanging out with married people. Not necessarily old people, just people who may have been considered in a different frame of life than where I was at the time.

But I had such a hard time hanging out with my "peers". Even after I moved back home, when I would try to hang out at institute activities or other such events, I just couldn't get comfortable. I felt like I was in such a different place, and although I was not being secretive about what I had experienced not everyone was ready to hear my story. And the kids who were my age obviously just didn't get where I was coming from. In many ways, the young adults I sometimes spent time with just seemed too immature for me. I just felt like I couldn't relate. We were in such a different place.

I may share a little bit more about that experience later. That strange time, after suddenly growing up but still being a single young woman. But for today, a letter I wrote to the adoptive parents, right before I might them, and before (I wasn't allowed to watch) they were able to meet their baby girl for the first time:

June 14, 1993

Dear family,

How I wish you could have shared these last few days with me. I feel selfish, that I was the one who experienced that precious delivery, when Cosette's little hand and head popped into this world simultaneously. How beautiful she was, even with her splotchy, puffy skin and the little conehead, when they set her in my arms. I wish I could somehow give this joyous moment to you, but I suppose that is your gift to me for my time with your precious little child.

I wish I could share this whole nine months with you. Every moment of this time I've had with your daughter has been blessed by the Spirit of our Heavenly Father. I guess He knew how important it was that she make it to you safely and full of health. We have both been well taken care of throughout this time.

From the time I realized I really was carrying a tiny person inside of me, I considered my options and I knew without question that I needed to let her be adopted. In a way, even at 2 months along, I knew this little spirit belonged to someone else.

Abortion was never (underlined) a consideration. How could I terminate the life of a spirit of our Heavenly Father? The thought never crossed my mind. And after the nine months I've shared with this choice spirit, it is beyond my comprehension how anyone could even think of choosing abortion.

As I said, my entire pregnancy went really well. I was able to dodge most of the unpleasant side effects that can accompany pregnancy. I didn't have morning sickness. I hardly showed that I was carrying a person inside me until 7 months along. I was able to remain active until about a week before delivery, when I got a urinary tract infection. I was unable to recognize labor when it was finally actually happening, because I was already in pain.

I know this person who is joining you is a choice spirit of our Heavenly Father. Isn't she the dearest, most beautiful little baby? I could see in her precious little face that she had a knowledge beyond my comprehension of Heavenly Father's plan for her. She was so peaceful and sweet. I believe she knows and understands she was only visiting me and now she'll be with her family.

When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was that I would be a terrible mother. That is not why I chose adoption. In the last 9 months, I've had a lot of experience with other people's children, and I've started to recognize there is a bit of a maternal nature within me. Caring for Cosette these last few days, she's such a patient, trusting baby, I have no doubt I could have loved her and cared for her, and provided for her financially and emotionally.

But I could give her a family. A family she can be sealed to for time and all eternity. She is so precious and beautiful. After all she has done for me, that is certainly the least I can do for her.

The Spirit has been so close to me during this time of my life. I know that the choice I made which created this life was unrighteous and basically pretty stupid. But I also know that all the choices I have made since then have been right.

I know that Cosette belongs with you. I am so grateful that I was privileged to bring her into this world. I know she will bles your lives at least as much as she has blessed mine.

Even though it's hard to say goodbye, not letting go would be like a babysitter deciding not to send the child she babysits home with his family. Basically pretty ridiculous. I know where Cosette belongs, and though it will be hard not to see her as she grows more beautiful every day, I trust you will keep in touch with pictures and letters on her progress. I already know she's in good hands--after all, I picked you--but it certainly will be comforting to know how she is doing, while I try to get back into my regular life.

Give her lots of love for me and when you're admiring those strong, long legs of hers know that she got a lot of exercise kicking me in the ribs with those long legs for 3 months. Thank you for being worthy to care for this child. I know the four of you belong together.

Love,

Your child's birth mother

Hey, just a reminder. My blog is going private, so leave a comment on my previous post, if you want to be able to keep reading what I write here.

Toward Making Quality Decisions

So, for my inspiration for this months' adoption-themed posts, I have decided to pull a lot of stuff out of my old scrapbook from the year that I placed "Cosette" for adoption. I decided earlier today, I wanted to focus on this idea of the steps taken to make a quality, strong decision. I know that one of the papers I was given when I was working through this process was titled "Toward Quality Decision Making." Unfortunately, over the years, I have used the materials in this binder/scrapbook for various presentations and visiting with individual birthmoms, so it looks like somewhere between here and there, I have misplaced the paper.

And it has been a while since I actually eye-balled what it said, so you are just going to have to get a general idea of what it said, as I try to explain my thinking about the decision-making process here.

Let me tell you now where I am coming from. Recently, I have run across a couple individuals on adoption sites who are pretty bent on representing the "true, ugly" side of adoption. I have been pretty bothered by these people as I watch others participating in what is meant to be a positive forum for expressing our views on adoption, mostly on the good things we have experienced because of how we have been touched by adoption. Obviously, we also have opinions about how the adoption process could be improved, but most of us believe in the idea that adoption can be a great blessing in the lives of all involved.

But then there are a couple extremely vocal people, determined to scare away any potential birth moms, and bash adoptive parents as baby snatchers. Let me just tell you now, this really pisses me off. And if you know me, I never use that phrase (pisses me off--sounds so dirty). But it does. Irks me like you wouldn't believe. These individuals clearly never came to terms with their own decision and because of that, since they can't change their own path, they want to stuff it down everyone's throats that considering adoption is evil. I hate seeing those kinds of posts. I hate that these individuals are so vocal and hateful in a place that is meant to be nurturing and healing for birthmothers and struggling infertile couples, etc.

One in particular expressed the idea that at the time she chose a placement plan, she believed it was God's will and she was at peace with her decision. For several years, she claims. Then one day, she listened to vocal grown adoptees chattering about how their lives sucked because of adoption, and she suddenly decided she had made a horrible mistake. And I can't help but wonder if the clinical depression she doesn't specifically mention, but which is obviously present, influenced her mindset, convincing her that the reason she was so unhappy was because she gave up a baby 20 years before. Seriously folks, and her mission is to teach others not to get sucked into the trap. Ugh, it just makes me mad. She just doesn't get it.

I don't mean to belittle the way she is feeling. It just bothers me when someone has to come out and say how much they regret a decision they made decades ago, and how they can't help but wonder what their life might have been like had they chosen a different path.

When I first started sharing my adoption story, I had some people come to me and say after they chose to marry (because of an unexpected pregnancy) or single parent, they always kind of wondered how things might have been different had they considered adoption. My answer would always be the same. You don't wonder about things like that. You recognize the beautiful child you have now, celebrate where you are now, change what might need changing, and move forward. You don't look back. That decision was made long ago. You own it, you accept it, you don't ever regret it. You just move on.

You see, the choice I made, to choose an adoption plan for my unborn daughter nearly seventeen years ago now, that was not something I just jumped into. I considered my options. I looked at the pros and cons of each. I grabbed onto to the one that felt most right to me. I prayed about it. I prayed some more. I felt good about my decision. I held onto that peace. I KNOW I made the right choice. If I regret anything it is that it took me going through this experience to recognize the testimony I already had of the Gospel. But knowing that, I resolved never to lose sight of that testimony again.

You can't go back. Don't ever waste time on regret. Through this experience, I have learned the value of making good, clear decisions. And I do believe in owning those decisions, even the ones we let happen by default, by not deciding anything, even that is a choice we make.

I had a friend in college who knew she was her parents' oops baby, the child they got married because of. They had a strong marriage and a happy family, but somewhere in there, this girl grew with a sense of insecurity, like she messed up her parents' lives. I don't know if at some point they inadvertantly gave her that impression (or even intentionally) or if she was just reading things that weren't there, but I know it always bothered her. It was hard for me to see her struggle with that.

So, I say. Live and accept your choices, good and bad. Don't let one (or several) bad choices hold you back. I made a bad choice when I got myself into a situation where I became pregnant before I was ready to start a family. But I did my best to really think through the big decisions that came later, as a result of that action. I am grateful for the knowledge I acquired then about making decisions I can live with.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Hope that made sense.

In honor of National Adoption Month

mrs. r on the rhouse blog has challenged her followers to blog every day this month about adoption in honor of National Adoption Month. Before the month began, I was thinking I would try to do this, but I am still quite behind on my regular posts. I have basically decided I will take the challenge! I am just going to blog in between about all the regular stuff, too. And maybe somewhere in there I will get somewhat caught up.

So, my first post about adoption will be the letter that I wrote to Cosette, while I was in the hospital with her after she was born. For those of you who don't know, Cosette is the name I called the baby girl I placed for adoption 16 years ago. Here goes:

June 12, 1993 (4:30 p.m.)
Dear Cosette,

In an hour, you will be exactly one day old. The reality of all this has yet to hit me. I can hardly believe just a day ago you were that precious little person inside of me. And now you're here, like you just dropped in for a visit.

I can see how precious and wonderful you really are in just this day we've had to spend together. You are a chosen spirit of our Heavenly Father, and I am humbly grateful to have been privileged to bring you into this world.

You are already so patient, with those all-knowing eyes that see things I cannot comprehend. I believe you understand that your time with me has been a brief interlude. Soon, you will be able to join your family here on earth.

I love you dearly, little Cosette. Heavenly Father loves you dearly. What a choice person you are, to have helped in bringing me back to the path of righteousness, so that we might someday all dwell together with our Heavenly Father. You will also bless the lives of your parents and your big brother.

I have a lot of faith and trust in your new family. I know that I brought you into this world to join them. Even though it hurts to let you go, I will cry tears of joy, because I know you will have a blessed life.

You are so special. I know you will bless the lives of all around you. You have blessed mine in this marvelous "growing experience" we have shared together. I hope you will know that I love you a lot. Thank you for loving me enough to share your beautiful spirit with me.

I'll see you in heaven (maybe sooner!). Won't we have a lot to catch up on then?

Love,
Your friend and "mother"


Well, I signed the paperwork relinquishing my right to parent the following morning. Then, I gathered my things and left the hospital with my family. Signing the paperwork wasn't bad. Walking out of the hospital was difficult, but I was okay. But the next day I spent, completely alone in my apartment, after my family had gone back to Blanding. That time was really rough. But I survived. There were several more devastating days, when I could barely function, but I made it through. And I never regretted my decision. Never. I knew she was where she was meant to be. I still know that to be true.

Thoughts

First of all, I had no desire to see this movie:

But I do like to spend time with my husband, and when he suggested we go Saturday night after he got back from the hunt, I seriously considered it. But I told him the critics hated it, and some fans were suggesting it was Sandra Bullock's worst movie ever. So Britt did a little checking online to see what he could find out about the movie. I can't tell you what site he went to, but he said that Sandra Bullock's character was supposed to have Asperger's Syndrome.

Hmmm.

I don't know if that actually made me want to see the movie even less. Maybe it did. I wasn't sure how I would feel about her portraying someone with Asperger's. I wasn't sure how that would affect my view of the movie. You see, I live very close to someone with Asperger's, and I love him dearly, but I know that I don't get him most of the time. And I know that I get him better than most people. I always worry about how other people see him. And even more than that, I worry about how he sees himself.

I did a little research just now, and I cannot find a site that identifies the fact that Sandra Bullock's character has Asperger's Syndrome. That assumption did taint my view of the movie, but it also made me understand why so few people "got" that movie. They just see Sandra's character as a crazy, freaky-smart stalker chick.

I went to this movie not because I wanted to see Sandra Bullock portray a woman with Asperger's. I went because I wanted to spend some time with my husband. I need you to know, there were parts of this movie where you are supposed to laugh, that I was in tears. It was all a little too real. So grateful for the quirky people who just loved her as she was, but so hurt by the people who recognized her vulnerability. And the realization at the end that she didn't have to be "normal" was beautiful, but still heart-wrenching. Because accepting herself as she was, while a lovely idea, still didn't change any of the challenges she would still have to deal with, day-in and day-out:

Parents who loved her, but who hadn't fully taught her to cope in the real world. People who would take advantage of her naive expectation that everyone tells the truth, just as she does. Her own inability to recognize that not everybody is interested in the meanings of obscure words and other random facts that are fascinating to her. And then the people who respect some of her qualities, but still expect her to make more of an effort to conform, to be normal.

Oh yes, this was a hard movie for me to watch. But not for the same reasons as everyone else, perhaps. Although, I would say, even without the Asperger's aspect, watching someone make a fool of themselves over and over is always painful for me. It's not really something I enjoy watching.

But I am glad I went. I needed to see that, to think about what I can do better to educate my own community about respecting people with Asperger's. I knew that already. This was just a reminder. I think I will finally do that post where I list some facts about people with Autism/Asperger's. I love that Garrett is so high-functioning, but just because some of his symptoms are hidden, they are still there, and I know I personally need to do a better job of respecting him as he is.

Not today, though. That is its own post.



This is what else I have been doing this weekend. Sad story for you. When I moved, a couple years ago, I had less than 3 weeks to get everything out of that house. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Luckily, I had some help. Unfortunately, I had two library books on my shelves at the time, and they got packed without my knowledge. Once I realized what had happened, I couldn't get to them, so I asked the librarian to continue to renew them for me until I could locate them. Well, it has now been over a year since we moved into this house, and I cannot find those books. There has been a new librarian at the library for several months now, and I have had multiple fines incurred. I even paid them a couple times, but that was a while ago. I can't even show my face in the library. I should just go in and pay for the books, but it is just one of those expenses I just cannot justify paying right now.

Lucky for me, my daughter Tyler sees these books on the shelf and thinks they look fascinating. She brings them home from the school library, and we start to read them together. But her attention span just isn't there for books of this nature, so she loses interest fast. Then I sneak away with the book and devour it. Oh how I have missed the library!

A couple weeks ago, it was two books by Gail Carson Levine, Fairest and another one that I forget the name of now. I read those pretty fast, late into the night, because I knew she would have to return them soon. I tried to read one with her, but the next night, she had other things to do besides sit still with me.
Part of Friday, most of Saturday and Sunday, and then late into the night I enjoyed Inkspell. I have seen the movie Inkheart, but now I know I need to read the book, because you know they are always changing things in the movies.

I love the way the author of this book just draws you in. Her writing literally holds you spellbound, and the characters really keep you thinking. I love the way she ties all these different characters who are connected to books in some way. Oh, I have been a lover of books, too. And this is a book I could love.

And I really did love this book until she left me hanging. Then I panicked. Oh no, it is a series and she hasn't even published the next one, I was thinking. It is sort of like that Pirates of the Caribbean movie where everything is so unresolved at the end, you are thinking, how could that be the ending? And then when the next Pirates movie came out, it didn't even resolve any of your questions from the previous movie. Kind of like, really? That's it?!

I have read all of the Fablehaven books published so far, and only the last one really leaves you feeling like that can't possibly be the end. At least it wraps up the main point of the story. At least it doesn't just end. How can it just end, when nothing is resolved (which is exactly how this one ends)? There are all new problems and issues, plus old threats that are still not conquered. Oh, I don't think I could bear to wait two more years for the sequel to be published.

Especially if it is anything like Brinsingr, the sequel to Eldest and Eragon. I really enjoyed Eragon, well-written, well-paced, interesting. Eldest was okay, but seemed to end unresolved. Brinsingr did not pick up where I expected it to, did not answer the issues brought up from Eldest, and just seemed to go on and on like it was trying to make too many points that may have been relevant to the author, but should have been skimmed off by a good editor. And then instead of completing the trilogy, it left it unfinished, but hardly had me begging for more.

Luckily, I found that Inkdeath is the sequel to Inkspell and it has already been published. When Tyler returns the book tomorrow, I will beg her to pick up Inkdeath for me. So more housekeeping and personal hygiene can go neglected.

It really is easier to pick up these series after they have all been published, don't you think?

Intervention

So, a few months ago, I was contacted by someone from up in the Provo area. They were doing a documentary on people with addictions to modern technology, particularly the internet, and people who use their phones for data streaming. I guess someone (we won't name names, but YOU know who you are) had referred me to them, and somehow they didn't think Blanding would be too far to drive to do a small piece on me and how unnaturally attached I was to my BlackBerry.

They sure discovered how far it really is when they tried to take the freeway to get here, and ended up on the road two extra hours, back-tracking on I-70. But I guess they were determined to do their jobs, because they stuck around for almost a week after showing up later than they had planned.

Those of you who live in Blanding may remember the small film crew that was trailing me for a few days. Yeah, that was a little weird. And for a while I even tried not to check my email, and facebook messages on my BlackBerry every five seconds whenever I was talking to them, but wow, it was harder to do than I thought. They probably thought it was rude that I had to leave a comment on my sister's blog while they were trying to ask me a question about whether I thought my addiction to technology had taken over my ability to function normally in the real world--"No way! Just let me finish my thought here. Now, what did you want?" And of course, they had to document how I would wake up in the middle of the night to check my messages, and how that is the first thing I would do when I woke up in the morning. I am sure that is going to make for some lovely footage. Those of you who have read this post know what I am talking about.

But even though having the film crew around was more than a little strange--and seriously stressful, that was not the worse part.

The worst part was when I went over to the Counseling Center to talk to Steve about Garrett's medication, and they took me back into one of their conference rooms instead, and the room was filled with "concerned" family and friends. Ugh!!! Seriously, you guys. I should have known. I used to be addicted to this show (See above picture), especially when I could Tivo it and watch every episode in succession. But this whole idea that I am addicted to the internet, especially blogs and facebook, and obsessed with my BlackBerry, it is just ludicrous! I know I never actually use the phone part to talk to someone--texting really works better for me--and come on, I have never liked using the phone. And as far as the idea that spending so much time on the internet is making me socially awkward in real life, seriously folks! I have always been socially awkward. You all know it is easier for me to express myself in writing.

But I guess the part where I had to concede there might be a problem was when they pointed out I was spending more time Googling recipes than actually doing any cooking, and my family was getting tired of eating cold cereal--you know it is bad when they tell you they don't want to eat cereal!-- and peanut butter sandwiches all the time.

While I think the whole "Intervention" thing was a bit over the top, I have to admit, my life has actually improved since I started my addiction rehab program. Luckily, San Juan Counseling has a pilot internet addiction program that I have been able to do as an outpatient, so we have been able to keep this whole process pretty low-key, as far as how many people have known about it. And as I have worked the program, I truly have been able to find my way back into the real world. I think the happiest one about that is Olivia, because now when we play pretend, I don't have to pretend to be the lady at work on her computer, I can actually interact with her.

It has certainly been hard. I have to admit, I have had a few relapses, and Britt has even threatened to get rid of the internet at our house altogether, but I am doing better. My BlackBerry is no longer blinking at me, feeding my compulsion to check whatever that new message is. That was and is still the hardest thing for me, but at least I can call from almost anywhere around here now with my new Alltel phone--I actually have service!

And since Britt has given me a lot more work to do while I am at the office, I don't really have time to be tempted to feed my addiction, like I was when I first started working here.

I just thought I would let you know, the episode of Intervention that features me will be airing next Spring. I will tell you when they give me an official date. They said they will be checking up on me again around that time also. So wish me luck! It has been so nice to learn how to interact in the real world again. It still going to take me some time, but I know now that I can. Thank you to all of you who cared about me enough to want to get me help. I promise I won't fail you.


Alright, I hope none of you seriously believed that story. As if a show like Intervention would ever come to Blanding for little old me? But truthfully, since I gave up my BlackBerry just last week, I realize how much that little phone/mobile internet device had taken over my life. I still want to keep checking my new Alltel phone just to see if it will do something more than tell me what time it is. It is driving me a little nuts that it doesn't do more, but really this is a good thing. We have downgraded to a simpler, less expensive phone plan.

We changed some things on our home phone calling plan also, to try to save money. We even considered eliminating it altogether, including the internet. I tell Britt I could have done it, but our boys do need the internet for their school work, and I obviously still love my internet, even without my BlackBerry and all its quick updates.

Trying to cut back on our expenses in other ways, we turned in our van lease and sold Britt's truck. Both had XM Radios in them, which we all LOVED listening to. We bought a nice little used Honda Civic and an old truck. They just have regular radio, and let me tell you KRTZ just doesn't cut it.

But again, I can live without.

The simple life really isn't so bad.

I promise, I have some real blog posts coming soon. I am amazingly busy, but that just means Britt and I will be making real money this month. Yay!

She Inspires Me: (Long Overdue) My Mom

Okay, I have a ton of pictures of this lady at home on my computer, but since I am at work, I am going to go ahead and type this up without any pictures. Maybe I will edit it later and add some pictures when (if) I have time.

This post has been marinating in my head for months. It started probably around Mother's Day. What kept me from posting then? Well, I don't know if you have noticed, but I tend to avoid following specific patterns for blogging. Even though I have created this ongoing inspirational women feature, don't expect me to do it at a specific time, like a Friday Feature or a Wordless Wednesday. Wordless Wednesday, really? Don't we blog so we can go on and on about our lives? Isn't a journal for writing lots of words? And seriously folks, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but it cannot speak for you. (Brooke may disagree with me there. I know she has tons of pictures that speak volumes on their own).

So, obviously no Mother's Day Tribute.

Did you know her birthday is in June? Perfect time to write about the beauty of the wonderful lady who gave me life. The woman who has sacrificed so much for my happiness. The woman who now celebrates her birthday with a touch of sadness for the loss of what would have been her first grandchild, born one day before her birthday 16 years ago. So much I owe her, so much I wanted to say about that.

And then this year she got one of the worst birthday presents ever. I am so sorry that I had to be the one to give her the awful news, but I am also grateful that it was me and not someone else who could not truly understand her pain. Four of my mother's six kids were brought into the world by a doctor who was good friends with my parents. He was the doctor my mother trusted, all these years, living in this small town so far away from family and friends. No matter what stresses were going on in my mother's life, what health issues were affecting her, Dr. Redd was always a comforting part of her life.

Needless to say, that tribute to my beloved mother did not happen in June.

And my blog has been somewhat neglected this past couple months. We have led a wonderfully busy life, but when I blog, it tends to be just trying to update you on the fun things we have done. And I know you would rather hear about our trip to Lake Powell a couple days after the fact, instead of a month later. I apologize. Still, at the end of every one of those catch up posts, I think, soon. Soon I will write about her.

Then I think how can I possibly cover it all? How can I truly recognize all that Gail Glover is to me? I know I won't do it justice, but here, while I have a minute, here is a bit about why my Mother Inspires Me.

I will start with the fact that she loves my dad. Unconditionally. Completely. I mean, she must. A city girl who was close to her family married him and moved thousands of miles from home to the middle of nowhere. I am not just talking Blanding, which is where they settled, but literally the middle of nowhere on the Navajo Indian Reservation. And then let's go back to Blanding. How many years have they lived her now? Thirty-something, and my mom is still a city girl at heart, and still loves her family, but Blanding is where she and my dad have stayed. As her daughter and now as a mother to my own children, I am grateful for this choice she made. To make the best of where she was put. I am glad to be able to raise my kids in Blanding, near their wonderful grandmother.

And when I say she made the best of it, I really believe that to be true. She served the community in many voluntary capacities, including PTA President and Relief Society President, while she had small babies and children (six of us!) and no family babysitters (I know how spoiled I am). She also served on the school board, and was always trying to make a difference where she could.

Then when I was in junior high, my mom went back to work. Let me just say, I know now how lucky we were to have our mom at home while we were growing up. How spoiled we were being able to call anytime and say, "I forgot my homework," or "I just fell on my face off the monkey bars and they think I broke my nose." And there she always was, ready to rescue us, or help us face the consequences of our mistakes. Spoiled as well in the full-spread breakfasts she laid out for us every morning (I really thought cereal was a treat). And then there were the full-course meals that included many options for her six finicky (I have no idea how to spell that) eaters. I remember Italian Place steak sandwiches, egg rolls, with homemade fortune cookies, baklava.

Well, things changed with my dad's position at UNDC, and my mom found it necessary to use her skills to help provide for the family. She even returned to BYU for two summers to complete a Master's Degree. Those summers were some of my fondest memories. I have a feeling, like my mother, I am a city girl at heart. But I can be happy wherever my man is. I realize now it wasn't easy for her, being away from her husband during those months, taking care of six still young teenagers and tweens, while attending classes and trying to study. But she has always been a life-long learner, always trying to improve herself. And she succeeded in her goals then and many others.

In time, she became the Dean of Administrative and Student Services at the College of Eastern Utah, where she began this working career. For many years, she worked alongside Kay Shumway, the other Dean at the college. They made a good pair, working together to do what they could to keep college operations running smoothly. It's never easy being a woman in what is still a man's world, which is true of most working environments even today. I remember studying about that (gender issues) in college, because it had been one of my mother's areas of expertise in one of her previous positions at the college. I remember thinking my professor blew the whole inequality thing way out of proportion, but I have seen since how true it can be.

One of my mother's dear friends whose acquaintance she made while working for the college was Grace Jones, an African American woman who had been selected as the president of CEU. This woman met a lot of resistance from the college community, in Price as well as in Blanding in her role as a leader. Those rose-colored glasses I had been wearing, trying to convince myself that gender inequality was not an issue in the world anymore, they started to crack. A few years later, I realized the glass had fallen out entirely as I watched my own mother's struggle with different issues at the college that related directly to her leadership role, and others' perception of it.

I won't go into details. I don't know all the details. I do know my mother served the college for 25 years, and now that the time has come for her to retire (truthfully, in many ways, it is earlier than she would have liked), she is not getting any real recognition for the work she did there. Compared to what was given to others who also recently chose retirement, I cannot help but be offended on my mother's behalf. I am afraid (though I do not know), my mother has been misrepresented to many in regards to the way she did her job. All I know is my mother has loved the college from the moment she was first associated with it. She has wanted the best for the college, always. For years, she never took any leave time. She just accrued more and more, but she never used it. It was like the college was her baby and she couldn't stand to leave it.

She was personally invested in the people who worked there. She cared about them, worried about them, did all she could to support them. She cared about the students. She did all she could in her role to help them succeed. I have witnessed this firsthand on many occasions. If my mother was guilty of anything, it was that she was too invested in her job. When something didn't work right, she took it personally. I think, even though she is completely helpless now, she still does.

I like to believe my mother has made a difference in people's lives in the work that she did at the college all those years. I hope one day I can have as much influence as she has had. And I pray that she will know, as my brother Worthy has said, that to those that truly matter (her family), she has made all the difference in the world. And for that, I thank her.

I love you more than I can say, Mom. You are amazing!

Just so you know, we (her family) are throwing a retirement party for my mom at the Edge of the Cedars State Park and Museum on Friday, September 18, from 7-9 p.m. A blogsite has been set up so people can leave a word of congratulations and encouragement. Go here to check it out, and be sure to check out the article I wrote about it which should be in this weeks Panorama and the San Juan Record. My mom is awesome!