Wednesday, November 4, 2009

In honor of National Adoption Month

mrs. r on the rhouse blog has challenged her followers to blog every day this month about adoption in honor of National Adoption Month. Before the month began, I was thinking I would try to do this, but I am still quite behind on my regular posts. I have basically decided I will take the challenge! I am just going to blog in between about all the regular stuff, too. And maybe somewhere in there I will get somewhat caught up.

So, my first post about adoption will be the letter that I wrote to Cosette, while I was in the hospital with her after she was born. For those of you who don't know, Cosette is the name I called the baby girl I placed for adoption 16 years ago. Here goes:

June 12, 1993 (4:30 p.m.)
Dear Cosette,

In an hour, you will be exactly one day old. The reality of all this has yet to hit me. I can hardly believe just a day ago you were that precious little person inside of me. And now you're here, like you just dropped in for a visit.

I can see how precious and wonderful you really are in just this day we've had to spend together. You are a chosen spirit of our Heavenly Father, and I am humbly grateful to have been privileged to bring you into this world.

You are already so patient, with those all-knowing eyes that see things I cannot comprehend. I believe you understand that your time with me has been a brief interlude. Soon, you will be able to join your family here on earth.

I love you dearly, little Cosette. Heavenly Father loves you dearly. What a choice person you are, to have helped in bringing me back to the path of righteousness, so that we might someday all dwell together with our Heavenly Father. You will also bless the lives of your parents and your big brother.

I have a lot of faith and trust in your new family. I know that I brought you into this world to join them. Even though it hurts to let you go, I will cry tears of joy, because I know you will have a blessed life.

You are so special. I know you will bless the lives of all around you. You have blessed mine in this marvelous "growing experience" we have shared together. I hope you will know that I love you a lot. Thank you for loving me enough to share your beautiful spirit with me.

I'll see you in heaven (maybe sooner!). Won't we have a lot to catch up on then?

Your friend and "mother"

Well, I signed the paperwork relinquishing my right to parent the following morning. Then, I gathered my things and left the hospital with my family. Signing the paperwork wasn't bad. Walking out of the hospital was difficult, but I was okay. But the next day I spent, completely alone in my apartment, after my family had gone back to Blanding. That time was really rough. But I survived. There were several more devastating days, when I could barely function, but I made it through. And I never regretted my decision. Never. I knew she was where she was meant to be. I still know that to be true.


Kim said...

I still marvel at how mature you were then. Those words do not sound like they were written by a nineteen year old. You were wise beyond your years and I still know that you were watched over. Thanks for reminding me it's adoption month. And thanks for sharing such a personal experience. We love you.

KT Bailey Family said...

I love reading your posts. The only problem I have now is that I start to get teary eyed even before I begin. : )