This will be my last post in this series straight from my journal. It tells a little bit about the day I met my birth daughter's family. We were the first "Face-to-Face" meeting at the Logan LDS Social Services. In the past, birth mothers and couples were not allowed to meet. We were the first to be able to meet in person.
We were told to use fake names, and to be careful not to give any identifying information. We were not allowed to meet until after I had signed the relinquishment papers. It also had to be a work day, so we could meet at the office there in Logan. That meant I had been apart from my birth daughter for over a day--she had gone home with my counselor, Steve Francom and his family. Later, he told me I could have called them and come over to spend more time with her there. How could I have known that?! I honestly wished he never would have said that to me. It just made me feel lousy about missing out on one more day with her.
We met at the LDS Family Services office in Logan on Monday, June 14. Her parents and their son had just arrived in Logan. I waited in my counselor's office, where I was prepped for a moment by my counselor before they came in. They were introduced to me. We visited briefly. I did not grill them. I did not have several questions prepared. I was at peace with my decision. Meeting them confirmed it. Unfortunately, that also meant I didn't really know what to say, and our visit did not last very long. All along, in the back of my mind, I was thinking they were probably anxious to meet their new baby girl.
From my diary:
Sunday, June 20, 1993 (8:15 p.m.)
The family headed home at about 1:00 Sunday. Kim and Worthy had some errands to run, so they left me for a few hours. That was hard. They thought I needed to be alone, but all I could do was think and sleep and cry a lot.
Monday morning, I went in and met the family. They were wonderful people. I knew they would be. The mother was emotional. I was emotional. The father talked a lot. Their boy fidgeted with his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
I asked one thing: that they would read L.M. Montgomery to her. Anne of Green Gables at least and more if she enjoyed it. I was raised on L.M. Montgomery. Us girls used to sit around our mother on her waterbed as she read Anne of Green Gables, of Avonlea, and of the Island to us. I often read ahead, but I still enjoyed listening to my mother read it.
They gave me a gift. It's a beautiful heart-shaped locket.